break.

had a mad break down in front of aunts the other night, it was lame. i was drunk.
but i still meant every word.
im just embarassed about the whole thing now, because even though ive felt this way forever; nobody's ever really known how much it hurt because i dont talk about the feelings thing.

its over ron aka. "grandpa", i see him with my cousins and he is the grandfather figure to them, you can tell that he loves them with all of his hearth; but he was never like that with me? and ive tried to tell myself im over it, but obviously im not. im so, beyond jealous of them. its not even like i want to fix it and have a relationship, because i dont. its just hard to look at.