nan called the other day, the one that i dont have a relationship with.
i guess she wanted to talk to me; i hated it but i gave her the benefit of the doubt and went to visit her. there were tears and a lot of me just wanting to scream because of the way you put down my family. fuck. i dont hate you, your my grandmother and i dont not like you...you were just absent because you were to caught up in what ever you were going through and that made me feel like i wasnt important enough to you- so, as i got older i got over the thought of you. thats that, i dont really know if it can get better but im happy i finally spoke my mind to you and told her how i felt. to my face it seemed as though you were sorry, you even told me that you were wrong- to be honest though, i dont know if thats enough; ive spent my whole life not knowing you, im not sure whether i can start now.

i leave in sixteen days, the days are going by so quickly.