closing time.

i feel like its time that i go home.

i dont want to come home because i love it here. more than words can even explain, its amazing, the family is wonderful and im doing what ive wanted to do for so long...but i dont know if i can handle the fact that im halfway across the world while my nan is having brain surgery after brain surgery. There have been 3 in a matter of 2weeks, i think shes having somthing done again tomorrow. I cant just sit here not knowing what is going to happen...i hope to god that she is going to be okay, but i cant say for sure that its actually going to happen. every single phone call that i get, i just expect the worst and i cant handle living like this in anticipation wondering if she is going to pull through.

i really dont know if i am able to do it, i want to stay; but i dont know if i can live with myself if something were to happen and i am all the way over here. help.