people keep asking me how i feel about being home, and i didnt know what to say; of course im happy but a part of me still cant shake the feeling that i failed, i mean i was talking about this for so long and now all of a sudden im back. but im happy, and it is what i needed- now i just need to find a job.

went to see nan last night in the hospital, i knew what i should expect but truthfully you never really know what is going to be there when you walk in. i just wanted to cry because i could tell that she was hurting (emotionally) and that she was so frustrated with everything. i guess she is a lot better than she was, her legs and arms are moving around anxiously and her eyes are semi open (as much as i think they are able to be) and i swear that she smiled at me. i know that i probably sound crazy saying that, but she was looking at me and i smiled at her and she lifted her mouth in what appeared to be a trying smile; i know that im not wrong and any thought that was put into my head about her possibly not knowing who we are is completely gone now. she is a wonderful woman, i love you nanny.